During the latest season of “I’m a Celebrity…Get Me Out of Here!”, singer-songwriter and rapper Tulisa Contostavlos opened up about her sexual identity. The 36-year-old musician confesssed she identifies as demisexual. She further shared that she rarely uses dating apps and has never experienced a traditional date.
Talking up about her approach to relationships, Tulisa explained, “I believe I’m demisexual. I need a deep emotional bond with someone. I need actual depth.” She also revealed that she has been “celibate for over three years”, highlighting the importance of emotional connection over physical attraction in her life.
Tulisa’s candid confession has sparked interest in understanding what it means to be demisexual and how this identity fits into the broader spectrum of human sexuality.
What is Demisexuality?
“I’m not an overly sexualized person.” the singer explained to a contestant of the I’m a Celebrity… Get Me Out Of Here! “For me, it’s all about the connection and the emotions I share with someone, which then makes me want to express them in that way.”
Demisexuality is defined by the Cleveland Clinic as “a sexual orientation in which a person feels sexually attracted to someone only after they’ve developed a close emotional bond with them.” However, the website clarifies that such a link is only a requirement for any potential sexual feelings and does not necessarily suggest sexual attraction.
A 24-year-old shared her experience of being a demisexual. She explained, “I was often advised by friends to engage in casual sex and relationships after I went through a painful breakup. Even when every bone in my body wanted to explore that path, I somehow couldn’t do it. This is when I realised I am demisexual. I need emotions to be able to be physically attracted to somehow. Casual sex and relationships don’t click with me. Unless there is a flow of emotions, preferably from both sides, I don’t want it. I never understood the concept of ‘casual,’ but I am also glad I don’t. I am happy I feel the way I feel.”
History of the term “Demisexual”
The term demisexual was first introduced in 2006 within the forums of the Asexuality Visibility and Education Network (AVEN), a community focused on raising awareness and fostering discussions around asexuality and related identities.
As reported by VeryWellmind, the concept gained traction by 2008 and began to enter mainstream conversations as more people resonated with the term and its meaning. Over time, demisexuality became recognised as part of the human sexuality concept. Its growing visibility even led some dating platforms to include demisexuals as an option for users to describe their sexual orientation.
Signs of a Demisexual person
Here are some signs that you might be demisexual:
You don’t feel an immediate attraction to someone
You prefer to take your time before becoming romantically or sexually involved.
You might not enjoy casual sex or friends-with-benefits relationships.
You might have mixed feelings about the idea of sex
You might feel uncomfortable with flirting and casual dating.
Relationships might develop more slowly.
